All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize