my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
