Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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