There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
