I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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