Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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