she woke up with a sticky ear
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
