Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
