I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize