How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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