Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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