If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
