Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
