Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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