why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
