I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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