My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
