Betty ford says i'm here all night
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
