So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
