If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
