You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Duck Duck Cougar?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
