Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
