yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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