why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
