That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
