I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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