Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize