please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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