dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my liver is dry heaving
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
