she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize