piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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