Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
pop tarts are not kleenex
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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