That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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