I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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