NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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