I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
