i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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