i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
