You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
