im about as happy as oj after his trial
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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