All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
