Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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