Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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