I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
