ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
