There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
