she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize