fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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