So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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