Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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