He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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