i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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