i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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