trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
