Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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