If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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