Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize