New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mom said you looked used
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
