i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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