margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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