so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
