plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
