I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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