sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
