Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
