For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
