You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
