My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
