He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
